Be brutal
The Path to Trust
This edition is deeply personal to me. I want to discuss a communication approach I both admire and naturally practice: brutal, direct, honest communication.
What Does "Brutal" Really Mean?
Brutal communication isn't about being harsh it's about speaking your mind without sugar-coating or pleasing people. When someone seeks your opinion, advice, or perspective, they're genuinely interested in your honest response. To be trusted and respected as a professional, you must deliver your unfiltered thoughts.
"Brutal" doesn't inherently mean negative. It can sound like it is the case because most problematic discussions are about negative things and most communication failures occur when delivering bad news. These messages often come with consequences and those shouldn't be hidden. Instead, list them clearly so you can develop an action plan to mitigate potential issues.
Preparing for Difficult Conversations
When a situation isn't ideal, preparation is key. A simple preface like "You might not like what I'm about to tell you" can prevent unnecessary drama. This approach gives both parties a moment to prepare mentally. (For more negotiation insights, I recommend "Never Split the Difference" by Chris Voss.)
The Cost of Indirect Communication
Let's be clear: not being direct is fundamentally a form of lying. And lying has severe consequences.
Trust: The Professional Currency
Trust is the engine of professional progress. It opens doors, makes colleagues well-disposed toward you, and can be your lifeline when you need support. Throughout my career, I've been saved multiple times by colleagues and superiors who knew my word was trustworthy.
I've deployed critical fixes to production because system engineers trusted me they knew we could resolve any unexpected issues together. That trust is invaluable.
I talked extensively about reliability in a previous edition and trust is a big part of it.
The Myth of the "Innocent Lie"
There's no such thing as an innocent lie. Every untruth is malicious, even if it seems harmless. By being indirect, you're risking your reputation, your name, and your professional standing.
Imagine discovering an employee lied to you. Would you trust them again? Would you consider them for promotion? The answer is likely no.
Personal Reflections on Direct Communication
I've always spoken my mind, though I wasn't always skilled at it. Early in my career, I was direct but often fell into overly dramatic or negative presentations. With age and good mentoring, I've learned to be more factual and less emotional.
Being emotional isn't inherently wrong, but it can make you appear weak or overwhelmed. My commitment to honesty has consistently positioned me as a go-to person for unvarnished perspectives.
How to Master Brutal, Direct Communication
Becoming brutally honest is a skill that requires practice, courage, and commitment:
Prioritize Truth Over Comfort: Don't try to please people or tell them what they want to hear. Your primary goal is to provide genuine, valuable insight.
Eliminate Sugar-Coating: Be clear and direct. Avoid unnecessary softeners that dilute your message or create ambiguity.
Set the Stage for Difficult Conversations: Prepare your audience for both positive and negative news. A simple preface like "I have some challenging information to share" creates mental space for honest dialogue.
Absolute Honesty is Non-Negotiable: Never lie, even in situations where the truth seems uncomfortable. Lying erodes trust faster than any difficult conversation.
Provide Constructive Solutions: When delivering critical feedback or highlighting problems, always be prepared to discuss potential mitigation strategies. Don't just point out issues help find paths forward.
Embrace Your Authentic Voice
Direct communication is more than a professional skill it's a commitment to personal integrity. It requires courage to consistently choose honesty over comfort, truth over convenience.
By practicing brutal, direct communication, you're not just improving your professional relationships. You're building a reputation of reliability, trustworthiness, and authenticity. You're showing the world that you value genuine connection over superficial pleasantries.
Remember, the most respected professionals aren't those who always say what others want to hear, but those who have the courage to say what needs to be said.
Brutal communication isn't about being harsh it's about being real.
Articles I enjoyed this week
No matter what the books say, nobody likes making 20 requests to render a page. by Raul Junco
Sketech #3 Why Modern Architectures Fail: Avoid Mistakes in Kafka, Microservices and Web Apps by Nina (@sketech)
I couldn’t agree more, being honest and complete upfront can save you a lot of uncomfortable explanation down the road when things start to escalate.
Another point about your remark about being “too emotional”, I’ve also struggled with this in the past and I was quickly categorised as “non-mature”, so put on the bench until I was able to manage my emotions. Funneling ones emotions in a positive way (not falling in apathy), would be my first recommendation for someone having struggles. A lot will fall into place once this is handled.
One last remark concerning your word “Brutal”, we use at my current work the word “Candid”. As a non-native speaker I looked it up and found it “on point” as to your definition.
Sometimes, speaking your mind clearly and honestly is hard, especially when there is no good news.
But it's probably the only way to gain people's trust.
Good feedback is still the most valuable and undesirable thing.